Far Out

So like uh, I'm going to hate myself in the morning for this but uh, I think he's pretty adorable and I think he should air his opinions more frequently. He's funny sometimes.

This is probably the second time (which is a freakin hell lot) I'm rambling about him and I know most of The Girls are not too fond of him or at least, how he seems to be.
Sometimes I'm not too but who knows how this works.

-

Technology is so underrated.
I think I'll be calling Sharbear (hehe new nick) almost every time we're both online.

And omg I am at an absolute loss at what to bring for the upcoming picnic!
It's a toss up between BBQ chicken and ready-to-microwave pizza.
My mum laughed when I said I wanted to bring mushroom soup.
She muttered something about "This is why you won't get married... Whoever with good sense brings soup to a picnic?"
Campbell Soup's good whaaaat.
And how could my mum curse me like that ):
I'll find a nice man to marry and if not, I'll coerce either an absolute stranger or intimate friend to marry me for at least a year. What happens next, we'll just have to see.

Anything to avoid being a spinster.
See, I was just sending my kid sister to daycare and her teacher was trying to be friendly and gosh knows what is on her Evil Early Childhood Educator list.

Keeks: Lollipop. Buy lollipop, okay? (scoots off to her playcorner)
Me: Okay.
Teacher: That's nice. You're the oldest sister, right?
Me: Yes.
Teacher: So you will know how to take care of your children later on.
Me: (bewildered) Who wants children?
Teacher: Haha you're so funny! (tries to slap my shoulder)
Me: (retreats slightly) Oh you mean when I have children later. If I do decide to marry, I suppose I'll have some experience! (laughs politely)
Teacher: Surely you want to get married! I know some women who are spinsters... They tend to talk to themselves after a while. Spinsters are.. they can... turn weird. So yeah! Haha! (grins so widely, it hurts me to watch her)
Me: Ohkay. Bye.

My reasoning goes pretty much like this - If she can say spinsters are weird, then they definitely are. Call me politically incorrect but yeah, I'd rather err on the side of caution, thank you very much.

-

When the pawn hits the conflicts he thinks like a king
What he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight
And he'll win the whole thing before he enters the ring
There's no body to batter when your mind is your might
So when you go solo, you hold your own hand
And remember that depth is the greatest of heights
And if you know where you stand, then you know where to land
And if you fall it won't matter, 'cause you know that you're right
-Fiona Apple

I like this poem a lot.

Oh and look!
Me and Keeks.

Friday, being the last day of work - I did my best to tie up loose ends while not having to do as much work as posibble.
A missing mill certificate that was requested was eventually found by the inspector himself.
As soon as I was left alone in the office, I blasted Muse, The Strokes and Shayne Ward (yeah, Shayne "You Leave Me Breathless" Ward) and spazzed out like there was no tomorrow.
Lunchtime was spent watching ladyboys from third world countries and watching my colleagues reenacting an excerpt from an interview with a ladyboy. This, by the way, came about because they found out I had to stay alone in the office to man the phones.

Male Colleague: Where are the others?
Me: Gone off for lunch.
Male Colleague: Why didn't you join them?
Me: I gotta answer calls whaaat.

At this point, he was already at his desk and putting on a high pitched voice, he squeaked:

"Good afternoon, Velosi Singapore!"

I was vaguely insulted - I didn't pick up calls that way! He sounded like a damn cheap and shady chatline operator! I was never that cheery and my voice wasn't as chirpy like he made it out to be lah, please. Before I could retort with an indignant "Heyyyy!" I was interrupted by the other male colleague who was quick to pick up on his cue and held up a faux microphone and solemnly asked:

How old are you?
25 (Still doing it in a high pitched drawl)
Are you a ladyboy?
Yes...
How long have you been a ladyboy?
Long long time... Since child...
Do your parents know about you?
Yes...
Do you like men?
Yes... (Flutters eyelids for extra effect, omgwtflolz)
Do you like women?
A lot! (At this point, his voice returns to normal. Freaky ladyboy imitation.)

I'm gonna miss their nonsense.
I was being paid for watching videos with them and joining in their conversations!
So so cool.



That happened almost everyday over there at the office.
Easy money, please come my way real soon!

Moving on, I'm staving off Guitar Hero hunger pangs by browsing the WWW for great xbox 360 deals and seeing Gaspard's skinny bare bum. When I get my very overdue paycheque, I'll be able to buy the 360 and still have a considerable sum of money left! Yeeeaaahhhhh!

The best and most unbelievable deal I've seen so far has got to be this guy selling the pro console for $260 only. Like OMGWTFSIA cheap that it's too good to be true. That's cheaper than my freakin' Wowzer! But yeah, caveat emptor huh.
(I'll call you girls to come on over if/when I buy it and Guitar Heroooooo!)

-

Today, my mum and I watched Transformers together.
She really loved that movie, so much so that she was willing to reject a phone call from her best gossip kaki and telling her she'll call back when the movie ends. Like whoa, miracles never cease.
At the end of the movie, when I felt good and nice tingly chills went up my spine because Bumblebee was so damn heroic and nice, my mum made this announcement.

"That soldier guy. He's handsome insane!"
(Literally translated from hansem giler)

I raised my eyebrow, which prompted her to squeal happily:

"So handsome!"

This, coming from the woman who stared at my Gaspard Ulliel photo on my bedroom wall and disapproved.
Whoever would disapprove of such beauty, I ask?!

Mum: Who's this?
Me: Meet my newest boyfriend.
Mum: You actually find this guy attractive?
Me: What's not to like? Glasses, Handsome with a capital H for HOT and he's French ah!
Mum: Macam baru bangun tido je. (sorta means "He looks like he's just fallen out of bed")
Me: *looks at Mum like she just spat obscenities* and then goes on to pursue the train of thought that basically looks like this: -

Bed + Gaspard = Mindblowing Sexyyyyy!

On a second thought, the y's are unnecessary. The extra y's I mean.
Hardy har har!

After the movie, I went out to meet Sharlene who was a total Chindilay! Wayyyy cool, IMO. Told her that all she needed was a Caucasian boyfriend. No particular reason, but she likes her men white, lollll. I splurged on a pair of gladiator sandals sighhhhhh. That shop guy was an exorbitant mofo!

Me: How much is this?
Him: Sith-ty aith (sixty-eight. He had a mild speech disorder I think)
Me: The last time I came here, I was quoted $50 (not true of course but hey, the customer's always right.)
Him: Okay, what size do you need?
Me: 6.

He shuffled to the other side of the store and consulted his partner and took out a pair of the sandals sized 7 which, I found out, fit perfectly.

Him: Best price for you - $55.
Me: *thinking 'Yeah right, more like best price for YOU! Best price for me would be no price, you geezer."* 50 laaaaah uncleeeeee...
Him: Cannot, original price was $68 you know.
Me: Okay. $52.
Him: Only $5 from $55, not much difference...
Me: *thinks "This yoink is obviously mathematically challenged!" but what the hell, just pay him lah* Okay.

I suck at bargaining :/

Anyway, I found out that Shar and I can be quite impulsive shoppers.
Shar can also think about not buying something on impulse too.

Shar: Should I get this blue tshirt? I should get it if it's cheap.
*Flips over the price tag and checks the price - $12.90*
Me: Eh, quite cheap what.
Shar: *Throws the tshirt and quickly walks away* Noooo I shouldn't buyyy!

Our train ride home was spent dissing the really "sumpah!" fugly pug faced girl creature who's worse than a twit.
She kept snapping pics of herself everywhere!
She made really ridiculous faces with lips pouted too. I wanted to puke my dinner out and that's not a nice thing to do. I paid good money for dinner!
Ling Ling helped me from getting too sick from watching her antics though. Hilar!

Reached home to find mum in the kitchen making tea and greeting me by saying "That soldier guy is my boyfriend!!!"
I'm not kidding.

Really, maman.
I'll accept him only if you'll accept mon amoureux Gaspard.
And concede that tousled bedhair like his is très zexy.

Eunoobs, Sharkthe and Farkup nightly convos:

I can't explain our tendency to just laugh at almost everything we talk about but really, we always have justified reasons in HAHAHAHAHAHA-ing all the way.

Like this:


(taken from nescafe88's multiply)

The translation for Crawling just set me off into fits of giggles and tears while seeing Pengsan really made me want to faint because my sides were threatening to split - It's just too much for my juvenile brand of humour.

Of course, I had to share this with the girls and like I expected, Pengsan hooked them.

To err is human, to cover it up is weasel says (01:02):
HAHHAHAHA
PENGSAN!!
I LOLED

your niece. says (01:06):
THE PENGSAN I LAUGH LIKE MAD

After our mass LOL-ing, we just had to come up with our own spoofs.

To err is human, to cover it up is weasel says (01:06):
faint = yun dao

After that, she had to take it like, a gajillion steps further and shared this with us -

To err is human, to cover it up is weasel says (01:11):
Mr Tampines! (Theres a pun here )
GEDDIT

your niece. says (01:12):
o_O?

pengsan! says (01:12):
tampons?

your niece. says (01:12):
NO!!!!!

To err is human, to cover it up is weasel says (01:12):
TEN PENIS

I really don't see it.
I can't see how work in primary school has made her more horny / dirty minded.
Or perhaps she has always been that way.
*shudders, thinking of all the times alone with her*

I get really wtf-we're-actually-talking-about-this convos with Simon too.

pengsan! says (03:17):
OMG
theres a soccer team named
"king faisal babies"

pengsan! says (03:18):
goooood goose.
theres a team called
new zealand black cocks!

SIMON-In Sorte Diaboli,In Satan We Trust,To Do What We Must says (03:19):
wtf
wat kinda dumb name is tat

pengsan! says (03:19):
i dont know!
man this is whack!

SIMON-In Sorte Diaboli,In Satan We Trust,To Do What We Must says (03:20):
yeah man if they lose it'll be bad
ppl will not only say they suck
but say u suck...cock

That bugger's gonna be off for NS.
He can't come back soon enough to continue our retarded chats, daaaamn.

On a more cheerful note, Guitar Herooooo session with Shark!

I need to buy an xbox 360 so I can feed my addiction every freaking minute.



Need to practise a lot more because I'm still a Guitar Noob :/
I will get pwned if I get that, seriously.

Guitar Hero session with Shark because we're such dweebs who had no plans in Orchard of all places, zomgwtfgoose!




Retards R Us

I'm thinking of ditching French classes in favour of a xbox 360 console.
It sounds like the only sane way to live my life.

Breaking News:

Aussie dude is married with children.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
zomgwtfsighhhhhh.

Ergo, the saying "All the good men are either attached or gay" holds true.

Wentworth Miller kinda hits me as a gay sorta guy.

Just saying.

Newsflash:

I finally know what my dad does for a living and what his work involves.

If I knew it were that interesting and also important in keeping a clean and green environment, I'd have paid attention to all that he was explaining and also have given my tupenny on it.

If I knew he worked that hard, I would have offered to make him coffee at the end of a challenging day's work.

If I knew his consultant / colleague was a totally attractive man just slightly taller than I am and blessed with a lean and slightly muscular build AND is supe dupe friendly AND speaks with a very intriguing Ozzy accent AND doesn't mind getting down and dirty ANDDDDD works just 5 mins away from work AND have I mentioned how CUUUTE he looks? AND knowing all that...

I would have temped at his workplace.

Listen up me laddies ladies.
We're going ethnic this weekend alright.
ETHNIC.
That means no dissing of anjadis / bengs / mats (though I guess that's sorta ethnic somehow somewhat, lol)
We will not lust after ang mohs / jap hunks with bb noses / gaspard, bb, etc.
We're going back to our roots y'all.
OH, and tell me if you want to have breakfast together, I think I'm craving Macs.

Also, whatcha think of Mad Jack for dinner?
It's at Simpang Bedok, kinda far but it's nice to eat there!
Plus it's relatively somewhat near to Arab St? Hehe.
Shark's in the mood for Western (which is ironic, we're supposed to go ethniccc!).
All in favour of the proposition, tag aye.

Note: As usual, I'll be your roving photog and I want your abs compliance to pose as I direct you to! 'Tis but for memories' sake :D

So for gawd's sake don't be such spoilsports alrightttt!

-

Friends are like glasses. They make you look smart, but they get scratched and then bore you. Sometimes though, you get supercool glasses.
I, I have Sophie.

- Julien, Jeux D'enfants.

In my case, I've got Monster, most of the time spelt with an -er at the back.
Damn cool glasses, it's megarad.

And Her who's the voice of Sense though she prefers going by the name Dr Love.
I tell her how cheesy it sounds but she never listens (: