fun facts
Someone tell me where I can go for affordable facial slimming treatments.
It sucks that whenever I put on weight, it doesn't go to any other part of my body, save the cheeks. I have such chub-bloody-by cheeks that cause some malicious female acquaintances to go, "Dear God. You've gained weight! At this rate, your bride price will decrease, you know?"
Hoho. I've got a lot of retorts prepared and I use them freely.
"I'm not fat. I'm just not flat-chested and arse-less like you are." *smiles sweetly*
"You know, there is such a thing as true love where people don't judge by one's appearances? Like, how did YOU bag your boyfriend/fiance/husband in the first place, eh?"
"Bitch, you think I give a hoot about what you think? F*** off." (Specially reseved for use on extremely annoying nitpicking, better-than-thou dullards on cranky, bad hair days)
Anyway, I'm thinking it would be much easier (and a lot more politer) if I just lose the extra fat off my cheeks the natural way. I'm gonna start burning more calories!
Here's what I'm going to do on a regular basis.
It sucks that whenever I put on weight, it doesn't go to any other part of my body, save the cheeks. I have such chub-bloody-by cheeks that cause some malicious female acquaintances to go, "Dear God. You've gained weight! At this rate, your bride price will decrease, you know?"
Hoho. I've got a lot of retorts prepared and I use them freely.
"I'm not fat. I'm just not flat-chested and arse-less like you are." *smiles sweetly*
"You know, there is such a thing as true love where people don't judge by one's appearances? Like, how did YOU bag your boyfriend/fiance/husband in the first place, eh?"
"Bitch, you think I give a hoot about what you think? F*** off." (Specially reseved for use on extremely annoying nitpicking, better-than-thou dullards on cranky, bad hair days)
Anyway, I'm thinking it would be much easier (and a lot more politer) if I just lose the extra fat off my cheeks the natural way. I'm gonna start burning more calories!
Here's what I'm going to do on a regular basis.
- Homework - I bet you'll complete your own assignments with much fervour if you knew that it'll help you lose 122 calories.
- Make my own bed - Cease being a brat and lighten your maid's workload. Making beds is almost effortless and it burns 136 calories too.
- Hunk-watch - Alright, so it says here that bird-watching burns 170 calories but I figured that hunks will still give the same effect. Besides, it's more aesthetically pleasing. :)
- Do my own hair - Tying your own hair helps shed 170 calories? Incredible.
*Figures taken from Reader's Digest, August 2006 issue.
Right. I really should stop whining about my cheeks. There are many other people with more justified weight woes than I do, that's for certain. You reading this, dear acquaintance of mine? Of course I'm referring to you! Yes, you with the figure that leaves people speechless, for all the wrong reasons! Take note of my tips, yes? I'm only trying to help you, sweetie.
HypocriteHippocrite. Oh, I crack myself up.
This entry was posted
on Wednesday, September 06, 2006 at 3:08 am.
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